slow is okay
I am a slow learner. I cruise through the world at a speed different than everyone else; while my friends whiz past me in both body and mind, I stagnate. I linger. I mull over ideas and let things settle before I move on.
It would be a lie to say that I am not affected by my comparative slowness to my peers. It feels, very often, as if the world is too fast for me and that I do not belong. Perhaps, in the busy world that we live in today, that is true. Perhaps I am disadvantaged by my speed (or lack thereof). But I must learn to, one day, convince myself that slow is okay. That slow is good. There is nothing wrong with taking an extra week to learn the material. There is nothing wrong with spending more time reading a book. There is nothing wrong with not being able to finish a test.
Capitalism has created a sort of economic Darwinism; he who is fast will make more money and will succeed more quickly. He who is proactive will get more; he who gets a head start will reach monetary success before his peers. And while to some extent these assumptions may hold true, it is certainly not the dominating rule in the game. Firstly, money is not always the most important. We often forget that learning is not just for money, but for the sake of finding out more about the world. In addition, speed is not just the most important. So is patience. So is initiative. Many people lack the speed but have the grit to reach their goals. Speed gives the illusion that your peers will get more done in less time, but in the end, we are all together blind, searching for answers we may never quite reach.
Even the greatest thinkers and the names we see in textbooks, the names that are left behind as legends, have been slow thinkers. It is not the speed of thinking that finds the answers to mysteries in the world; it is more often the quality of thinking. The philosophy that drives the mind. The reason that the person is thinking.
While I may feel inadequate, incompetent, and very unintelligent when I see myself surrounded by peers who solve ten questions in five minutes while I am still on number two, time will tell what is more valuable. We each have different goals. Perhaps for my friend, speed will give her the tools to find a quick job with good pay. But for me, jobs are not enough. I have bigger goals. And these goals do not require fast thinking but slow and deliberate thought processes.
One day, I will look back on my younger self and wish I had not fretted so much about the different qualities that I had. I will tell myself, "Thank God that I was slow. Thank God it took me a long time to do things. If not, I would not have been able to digest and re-digest and re-digest the information I learned to become the person I am today. Even brilliant people can be slow. Pace has nothing to do with intelligence, and intelligence has nothing to do with success. It is the mind that drives the body to its goals, not solely the brain." And someday, I will believe this with all of my heart.